My entire adult life I’ve experienced ebbing and flowing waves of depression. For those who haven’t felt it, it is hard to explain but, in essence ( for me at least), it is a cold, empty, pain that comes from the inside and debilitates the sufferer, forcing them into bed and away from other people. Unchecked, it is truly a horrible thing to reckon with; however, in my years of battling it, I have found ways to use it, to channel it.
In some ways depression for me is like a tidal wave, an unstoppable force. However, unstoppable as it may be, I have found that it can be influenced and changed, directed for good. Because of this discovery, some of my proudest writing has come at times when I felt the numbing grip of depression on my soul. Focusing the force of depression upon an activity is, in fact, the best way for me to handle it. I make it work for me rather than the inverse.
I’m writing this post because it has been something I’ve been thinking about lately, and I wanted to try writing a bit about it. I’m thinking of maybe spending a week or so and writing a 10,000 or so word essay about this subject because I believe that this particular form of mental illness can be a powerful ally and not just something that needs killing. Maybe, it may eventual turn into a book. We shall see.
Recently, I have been thinking a lot about the concept of “being sure” and my conclusion is that such a feel rarely comes along in life. To live, in a sense, is to gamble. That is the joy and fear of it. Nothing in a worth-while life is certain for the riskier choice will always end up paying better (if it pans out, of course), and that’s what life is all about, I think.
Anthropologically, it has been found that those of us most willing to be vulnerable are also the happiest of people. Ultimately, to be uncertain is to be alive. Do not wait to “be sure.” Delve into this glorious world with your heart born bare. Surely, that heart will get dinged up but that is, in a sense, the point for whatever scars our endured are the marks of joy had and stories to tell.
Today is Friday, so I thought I’d write bit more about one current project: The House of Lerry, and within HoL, the story of Shayne Whyte the professional taxidermy deer head.
It all began as we started to shoot the first episode of season two.Daniel Mothershed’s character, Lincoln, is moving back into the house during a dialogue exchange causing us to need some character-appropriate items for him to be carrying (Lincoln is a staunch social conservative much like Parks and Rec‘s Ron Swanson) and fortunately Daniel knew someone who had a taxidermy deer head. On the day we were shooting, Shane White, the person who plays Jett Micheal Lerry, showed up late. The other guys decided to complain about him (in jest) and pretend they were talking about the deer head. Thus, Shayne Whyte was born.
Since then, Shayne Whyte has become the unofficial mascot of Cheaply Intellectual Productions, being featured in the channel’s trailers and ads as well as various HoL promotions. And today, CIP is releasing an “interview” with Mr. Whyte in the style of other cast interviews (I’ll leave it below).
As some may know, part of my income comes from writing anonymous blog content for various small businesses. And, as some may also know, I suffer from chronic wrist/arm pain which basically means I am severely limited by how much I can write in a day.
Fortunatly, my grandmother gave me a $50 gift card to amazon.com for my birthday and with it I purchased a new ergonomic keyboard. It came in the mail yesterday and is wonderful. I can now write much longer without my wrists hurting! It is such a joy to be about to follow one’s passion unfettered by physical complaints.
There’s something about playing the guitar. It is such a versatile and easy to play instrument that it allows the true conveyence of pure emotion more easily than other instruments, I think. Nothing quite compares to just sitting down and strumming and singing for a while. Nothing is quite as filled with joy.
Sorry about this one going up late. My world’s been a bit hectic lately. And worse yet, I have nothing to write about in terms of philosophy. I’ve had no new epiphanies on our meaning or place in the universe, no moments of sudden realization. Still, I’m currently operating on the belief that we’re meant to merely feel all that is to be felt and to share those feelings in the best way we can.
As a lover of the art and craft of film, I’ve always watched the academy awards intently. To me they have always been ultimate measure of good film making. If your film made it to the Oscars, then you know you made it a good film. But recently I’ve began to discover really great commercially produced films that have been ignored by the Oscars and I’ve come to the conclusion that the Oscars are like high school presidential elections. Rarely does a film win purely on its artistic merits but rather by its popularity.
Thinking about work and meaning. I’m looking to write a piece about how, when left to their own devices, no healthy human being will do nothing. In activity is against the human drive.
Today was my birthday and it was wonderful. Goodnight.
One current project is one of necessity. Right now, my beautiful 1996 Honda Accord is suffering. It’s tires are incredibly bald which basically turn it into a 1,500lb sleigh when it snows. I don’t have the money now to replace the tires but I’ve begun saving the $200+ for them by writing blog posts for various businesses online and hope to have enough money in a couple months.